Sentimental
by Felis Callida
Summary: Hux isn't a sentimental man, which is why his 'relationship' with Ren is uncomplicated. There's no feelings involved. None at all.


There's no confessions of love between them because there is no love, no feelings of any kind to express.

It suits Hux just fine, and he's certain that, if asked, Ren would say the same thing.

Their – for lack of a better, more accurate word – relationship is barely even that. It's the most basic satisfaction of needs. Sex, power, dominance. All things they both excel at. Their kisses aren't like kisses, they're harsh, and raw, and almost painful. Their touches are brutal, and hard, and nearly bone-breaking.

They're a wreck, broken, crumpled, ugly.

Hux doesn't mind. This serves his interests, it's enough, not more, not less. He doesn't want a relationship. He doesn't want love. He's made conscious decisions against all of those things, and that has got him where he is now.

* * *

Still, he doesn't say no the first time Ren kisses him, back on Starkiller Base, throws him against a wall, and they eventually end up on the floor, gasping. It's really more a fight than anything else.

It's intense, and heated, and that's what makes Hux not question it. It's not enjoyable on any level but the physical, therefore it's acceptable. It's certainly nothing he'd ever talk to anyone about, least of all Ren himself. No one knows, Hux is sure, and if they did they'd insist they didn't anyway, because fear is what makes the First Order work, it's what they're good at inspiring, and everyone around them is afraid.

* * *

It works like that – sex without comment, without a thought about what they're doing – until the Resistance strikes, and Starkiller Base is lost. Hux would grieve for it as the closest thing he's ever had to a home, if grief was something he engaged in. As a matter of fact, though, it's not, because to grieve is to show weakness, and all he does is make a remark to Snoke about how this is an unfortunate setback, but nothing that cannot be overcome.

* * *

It falls on Hux to get Ren to safety, to bring him to Snoke. Of course. Other people keep having to clean up Ren's messes because Snoke sees him as useful, insists on completing his training despite how unreliable and incapable Ren is. Force powers are all good, but nothing is superior to cold, unquestioning discipline, and for all his power, Ren doesn't have much of that.

Hux is aware as soon as he looks out the windows of the ship they're escaping in and watches Starkiller Base collapse that this is something that is going to irrevocably disrupt the delicate equilibrium of not talking unless they have to and avoiding eye contact and inflicting pain to balance the pleasure.

Well. It's no great loss, certainly not in terms of emotional wellbeing. And it'll be good to have no distractions encumbering him now, when the First Order needs all its members to be focused on rebuilding its strength.

* * *

Ren insists on proclaiming himself healthy and in a good enough condition to fight very soon. Hux doesn't agree, but it's not like he cares – if tomorrow Ren gets into a fight still badly wounded, and finally gets himself killed, that won't be soon enough. It would be the best for the First Order, the galaxy, Snoke, and Hux himself.

Ren doesn't seem any more ready to accept the facts than usual, though. At least the way he's scratching open Hux's back and biting his shoulder, hard, drawing blood, makes Hux think that Ren isn't going to take it easy and rest a lot to give his wounds the chance to heal well. Hux presses his fist into the wound in Ren's side to remind him who's in charge here and that he's nothing but an especially insolent annoyance, at least when they're alone. Ren gasps and groans but doesn't relent, which is fine. Hux has been yearning to release his frustration at how slowly the First Order is rebuilding, how long it's taking. This is just the right way to do it, he thinks, pressing Ren down against the cold floor. This is exactly what he needs right now, what they both need, and then they can focus back on the military effort.

"Snoke isn't going to send you away on one of your special, personal revenge missions yet, Ren," Hux says, still breathing heavy, still hovering over Ren.

"We'll see," Ren says coldly, his eyes narrowing.

"We need to concentrate on the First Order's goals," Hux says. "Not on your vindictiveness towards the ones who beat you."

Ren curls his lip. "They'll get what they deserve."

Hux nods and gets up to dress himself. "Undoubtedly," he says. "I imagine you'll charge in and subdue them with ease, just like last time."

Ren's face turns into an ugly grimace, and Hux can't help but be satisfied at that.

As he's leaving, he hears Ren smash up the room with his lightsaber. Hux grimaces. Typical. Ren is immature and uncontrollable. Hux has better, more important things to spend his time on.

* * *

He still can't stop this, Hux realizes three days later, when they're in his bed and they're so entwined that it feels like they're one. He rocks his hips harder with a grunt, because, really, he should've known this wouldn't end so quickly. Neither of them is good at giving up gracefully and easily, and he's just going to have to have a think about the whole affair later, when he's less busy. Ren hisses and digs his nails into Hux's shoulders, it hurts, it's good, this is more than enough, no need for sentiment.

When they collapse onto the bed, tired and aching and spent, Ren doesn't leave right away. Instead, he stays like that for a few moments, lying there and breathing, eyes still closed.

Hux doesn't realize how strange that is until later.

* * *

The Resistance is getting stronger and more efficient. Hux isn't worried, obviously, but it's still concerning. They took heavy losses in the last battle, and Ren's decided to drill sense into the troops by executing some of them. Hux sighs. He doesn't care about the troops on a personal level, but they can't afford to massacre their own soldiers, they need all the reserves they have.

Hux stares out the window without really seeing anything. The First Order will triumph, he's sure. He believes it, he has always believed it.

Ren steps onto the bridge. He's wearing that stupid mask of his. He's pathetic, like a child hiding its fear from the outside world, but at least that way his hair isn't visible. Hux frowns at him.

"The troops should be more obedient from now on," Ren says.

"Yes," Hux says coolly. "We also have even fewer of them now."

Ren doesn't reply immediately. He looks out the window into space. "We will win this war," he says. "I can feel it."

"I am sure you can," Hux sneers. He couldn't care less about what the Force is telling Ren about the outcome of the war. He prefers to rely on numbers and statistics and strategies. It's never acceptable to trust one's feelings, even though both Ren and Snoke seem to think it's a valid tactic.

Well. He'll think about it tomorrow. For now, he pulls Ren into an empty corridor. He knows he should be focusing on the war against the Resistance, but he could do with a brief distraction.

* * *

It's a few months later that Hux feels like this whole thing – whatever it may be – is escalating. They've been on different planets for the last six weeks, busy with recruiting more troops and defending the areas they've conquered so far.

When they see each other again, Hux is surprised at how Ren pulls him into an empty room and maneuvers him onto a table and starts undressing him, and then they're kissing, not angrily like they usually do. This is a proper kiss, Hux thinks, and he should find it horrible, he's not some romantic idealist who doesn't know how the world works, who thinks hugs and kisses are a necessity in life.

He's never expected anyone to kiss him like this. He can almost taste the emotion on Ren's lips. He can feel every beat of Ren's heart, and it's wrong, it's disgusting, this has to stop right now, he'll make it stop –

He doesn't, and not for a while.

* * *

"I hate you," he says later as he's putting his clothes back on with as much dignity as he can, considering his muscles are simultaneously numb and aching.

Ren looks at him coldly. "Likewise," he says.

Hux suspects that Ren doesn't mean it any more than he himself does. He grits his teeth. This is bad. Somehow Ren has gone from an annoyance, a liability for the First Order in Hux's opinion, to someone he can't even hate. Hux isn't sure when that started happening, which is displeasing – usually he prides himself on his observance.

Hating people isn't difficult, not for Hux. It's natural to him, so it's all the more frustrating that right now, if he was tasked to kill Ren, he wouldn't want to do it – he would, of course, do it nonetheless. Hux has always prioritized his military career and loyalty above anything else.

But it wouldn't be easy, he suspects, and that's problematic.

* * *

He makes up for that moment of weakness by completely wrecking Ren the next time they're together. They're both unrelenting, and brutal, and harsh, and Hux feels raw inside and out. This is better, he thinks. It reminds him that being close to people, even if only in the physical sense, isn't a good thing. Sometimes it may be necessary, but it's something to be ashamed of.

No more kissing from now on, he decides. Just this, and as little of it as possible.

* * *

He realizes one night, shortly after Ren's left his room, that he's probably the only person to regularly see Ren without his mask. It has the advantage of Ren being unable to hide his feelings very well. It has the disadvantage of having to look at Ren's stupid hair all the time.

Ren's never been very good at keeping calm either way, with or without his mask, but he seems to have given up on trying to deceive Hux about his thoughts.

Hux doesn't know if that means anything, and he doesn't really want to, but he still feels an odd sort of pride at it. Because it obviously means Ren has accepted him as a superior. That's all.

* * *

The next time Ren tries to kiss him, Hux grabs his wrist to hold him back.

"What are you doing?" he says.

Ren looks at him. Hux feels that hot annoyance rise in his stomach that makes him almost queasy. He's been feeling like that a lot around Ren lately. It used not to make him dizzy, but it does now, which only makes him disdain Ren more.

"Fine," Ren says, obviously trying to keep his expression neutral. "I'll go."

He looks disgustingly vulnerable. Vulnerability is something Hux despises in people, and he won't tolerate it from Ren, who has to be fit to win this war. Feelings aren't going to help with that. He takes another look at Ren, and feels a pang of sympathy despite himself. He'll have to work on that. He'll do it some other time, though.

Hux mentally groans at what he's about to do, but he does it anyway. He presses Ren up against the wall, and tangles his fingers in that stupid, ridiculous hair, pulls at it because Ren likes it but gets annoyed all the same, and that's oddly satisfying.

"I hate you," Hux growls, right before they kiss, just to make clear that this isn't going to happen again, it's an exception. Ren needs to be reminded that this doesn't have anything to do with emotional desires, only physical ones.

Hux knows before he's finished speaking that he's lying, that this isn't hate, but he decides that it's a close enough approximation to what he's actually feeling. As for his thoughts on exceptions and emotions, he decides not to examine their veracity any closer. He suspects he wouldn't like his findings.


End file.
